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Farticle by Scotty Goldman

You know that new sound you were lookin' for?

Who knew Tom Cruise was such a dick besides that Katie Holmes chick from Dawson's Creek and the bug eating Nicole Kidman?

(Side Note: No wonder Tom put the kabosh on her showin' off that T.H.O. in Batman Begins.  Hence why she was replaced by a look-a-like actor.  Too late Tom...90's boys dreamt of that they done seen'em and it was glorious.)

("Damn cold or just happy to see me?" - Patrick Batman)

So thanks to this sneakily captured clip from the M:I Part 7 set in London around December 2020...we discover that...of course...Tommy Boy is a fierce Face Diaper Baby.

He even has a special version...which you too can buy on AmaZod.

Because didn't you know?  The same Big Pharma-sponsored $cientism religion that gave Tom & "Rapey" Matt Lauer something to argue about on the Today Show (psychotropic drugs that cause depressed people to get even worse) the same Big Pharma-sponsored Scientism religion that gave the entire world totally "scientific rules" about wearing Slave Muzzles and acting like insane hypochondriacs with tape measures ensuring exact distances were maintained. 

Big Pharma is definitely trustworthy.  RIGHT TOM?  You stupid hypocrite fuck genius.

While we knew Thomas' pronouns are mask/tard...religion-wise...we thought this jet flying, NASCAR driving, monster hunting, alien fighting, gay vampire was just a misunderstood scientologist...and absolutely NOT a $cientismist, too. 

(Scientology + $cientism? What kind of alien hybrid gobbledygook are you cookin' up, Tomathan?  Get the hatchet before it hatches!) it seems...according to this h'naw leaked audio AND pictures of Tommy boy wearing a Sheeple Mask...that he's in both religions now.

How?  How?  You tell us, Tom.  You're dual citizen now.

( "In Mine Craft"?  Now that you mention it...Mister Rogers is a lot like that leprechaun that tells Ralph Wiggum to burn things.)

Anyways...some of y'all are asking: What are those "science" thingies you mentioned and are they related?

Who knows what a scientologist believes...unless you ask the South Park creators.

Those fine boys, Matt & Trey, apparently know a lot about that...and Mormonism.

Well, Cartman knows a little something about the so-called "chosen ones."  You know...those whom you cannot criticize because they will ban you from everything hold no power what so ever.  AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!

But what is a $cientismist, you ask? 

Well duh, dumb ass...(as Red Foreman would say)'s an ingestor & regurgitator of non-sense that unquestionable $cientism priests like Docta Fauci and Not-A-Doctor Bill Gates puke out.

If they say get experimental, indemnified shots of some mystery jizm...obedient $cientismists say: "How many and when can I boost?" 

If they say get an RFID chip implant to track your movement...oblivious $cientismists say "Take my money & put it in me, Daddy.  It's like being ankle monitored...but inside me." 

If they say you need to eat bugs & live in a pod for "climate change"...naive $cientismists say "I love eating roaches in my casket capsule.  Hey, which one of my cellmates stole my VR Goggles?  How will I forget that I live in a hellhole and munch on grasshoppers if I can't escape temporarily into The Oasis?" 

If they say there are 6 Million genders and introduce "state enforced homosexuality"...the extremely-smarter-than-any-stupid-conspiracy-theorist $cientistmists say "Ze's a trinary polyesterous poopsexy robo-erotic non-mamalian sea creature that morphed from a nothing explosion and I love being in a throuple with glory holes instead of mail slots installed in the door of our RV."

See how it works?

(Oh yeah...gotcha.  You can't think about it and have to pretend you don't see how it works or you'll get deleted by ZuckerBorg.)

Remember: You'll own nothing and you'll be happy.

It's science.

Or is it a religious cult?

(Pro Tip: It's a religious cult!  You know what to do.)

Check out what YouTube Channel "Growing Up In Scientology" had to say about the "Hissy Fit Heard 'Round The World":

Then check out Good Mornining Weimerica making excuses for Tom because basically Mission: Impossible 7 is one of the most expensive movies ever made:

Even the commenters notice the GMA coverage is very "positively" spun in Tom's favor...and this fella, in particularly, states clearly why that could be the case:

The top two comments put together basically add up to a pitch for a new HBO MAX show where T.C. goes around screaming at rebellious Anti-Maskers while he's muzzled up:

This cringe comment from Covid Karen says that she wishes she could yell at Anti-Masker Kings & Queens but due to being absolutely cowardly & feeble...she's going to live vicariously through Ethan Hunt:

Karen's soyboyfriend also wants this shit show to drop on streaming...cuz "To hell with anti maskers."

The Face Diaper Fanboys continue with their praise for the secretly recorded outburst but it's not a consensus, for sure, as Workers' Rights Activists sass back:

This (vax) user is named "ThoMask"...and they are so fuckin' bout it that they "WENT OFF" on a fellow Sprawl-Mart shopper...errr..."MORON"... for "ENCROACHMENT" aka "SOCIAL DISTANCING VIOLATION"...but an unforseen plot's pointed out that Thomas's Fauci Pouchy has an exhalation valve...allowing Tommasso to get fresh air but also releasing his spooky Covid-riddled lung excrement at the same time:

Then this guy gets tagged in to drop The People's Elbow:

This BASED AF noticer points out that actors are not social distancing or wearing masks when filming scenes and Tom isn't snapping into them like a Slim Jim:

This lovely lady calls out Cruise's hypocrisy and hits him with a nuclear BURN about his marriages possibly ending because maybe he's like that (a dick) at home:

Good to know there are a few brave folks out there standing up for the FREE BREATHERS on the YouTube comment section battlefield.

So how about you guys...are you going to watch the 7th installment in the M:I movie franchise or did this turn you off on Tom Cruise movies like Arnold SchwarzenMasker's "Screw Your Freedom!" comments turned you off of The Governator's films?

Feel free to sound off in the comments below.